MADOREABLE

Ellen Kennedy, you are a jewel. I believe that technicolor has ruined everyone or something, but you are a jewel.  I want to announce to you that I will be in Boston like around New Year’s and I think that you should come out for a beer or something with Matt DiGangi and me. I will buy you a tofu turkey or something. Whatever you want. We can go to Bukowski’s Pub and be hardcore and I will tell you that you are eternal. Mostly I will have a thing that I printed today so that you can sign it because I just reada Norm MacDonld again and I thought, “Ellen Kennedy does not have down syndrome.” I know that you are probably like a lot of people who write and you have a thing against going out and meeting people you don’t know, and this is why I have made an agreement with a league of psychiatrists to provide you with some valium so that you can tolerate it. I don’t know why I just wrote that, it is a total lie. I know I am not Zachary German or Tao Lin, but I never get to go to Boston, and I never get to go there planning to see girls named Kennedy with red hair, and I promise I’ll be a total gentleman, and so I think you should just agree to show up at the bar and then if I strike you as too sketch, you can just disappear and I’ll be too drunk in a few minutes for it to matter anyway. Otherwise I won’t get too drunk. I don’t know if you even drink or are old enough to go to a bar. Well you can go anyways. You can always just go to some place on L Street. No one will bother you too much unless it’s cop-infested, but we’re talking New Year’s the streets should be pretty packed, so no one will hassle you. I don’t know why I’m rationalizing this. See I’m making this public because I have never known you but I would like to see you long enough to have you sign a napkin or this thing I printed or my journal or anything so that when you are famous I can tell everyone I knew you would be. I do this from time to time.

So yes, let me know either by gmail chat or comments on my blog. Direct e-mails probably will be ignored but probably not take your chances. I thought you and Tao Lin were married and living in Brooklyn. I am a deeply confused person, I don’t know what I’m doing half the time, and lately I’ve been reading stuff by all you guys and pretending I am one of you variously and thus writing stuff that sounds kind of like it.

Okay. That is all. This post will remain. Feel free to ignore it and take out a restraining order.